When you meet with a divorce mediator in Orlando, you will have a long list of things that you want to achieve. Your spouse will also have a list of things that they want to see happen. While a trained mediator can help you meet in the middle, you can often help yourself arrive at an amicable agreement sooner by using active listening skills.
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Pay Attention
One of the first things required to be a good listener is to pay attention to what the other person is saying. Even in situations that are not filled with stress, many people focus on what they want to say next. During the mediation take time to stop and hear what your spouse is saying. Do not think that you need to start talking the moment that they are quiet as they will often begin again by offering even more information that is essential to working towards an agreement. While you may be very angry at your spouse, put those emotions aside and listen with an open mind. Never interrupt them as you both deserve time to be heard.
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Paraphrase
Repeat back to your spouse and the mediator what you have heard your spouse saying without using judgment words. If you find this difficult to do, then try writing down their key points when they are speaking. Then, rely on your notes to repeat what they have said using your own words.
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Ask Questions
If you are not sure what your spouse or your mediator said, make sure to ask them to clarify their point. Open-ended questions often start with “what if,” “why” and “how” because they require your spouse to give thoughtful answers that require more than a yes-or-no answer. Even though you think you already know the answer, asking questions helps the other person clarify what they are thinking and helps ensure you understand what they are really thinking.
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Summarize
As the conversation evolves, then summarize the other person’s main ideas. You do not have to agree with them to offer a summary of them. Then, ask your spouse to do the same for your main points. Following this procedure often helps you and your spouse see where you agree. You may both be surprised how little you disagree on when you both take time to summarize the other person’s points.
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Avoid Judgment
You have both reached a point in your life where you are ready to start a new journey. There is no need to rehash problems that have brought you to the mediator’s office. Instead, avoid judgment and focus on arriving at solutions that are best for you and your children if you have them.
Remember that you are not going to be alone during your divorce mediation. You can count on the expertise of Heather A. Oller to help you along the way when you contact him to be your divorce mediator in Orlando. She brings many years of experience to the table helping divorcees meet in the middle. Contact her today to get the process started.
