Co-parenting After Divorce Mediation

1. Stop the blame game.

Once you are granted a divorce in Florida with children, you will file a time-sharing agreement with the court. After the judge signs your agreement and you are officially divorced, you need to make a vow to stop the blame game. During your divorce mediation, you put all your cards on the table and discussed every scenario to reach a voluntary agreement. Now it is time to focus on using that agreement to work for you after your divorce is final. This means you need to stop blaming each other for anything that went wrong in your marriage and focus on being co-parents.

2. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel.

You were given a time-sharing plan by your divorce mediator when you resolved your divorce case. This road map is your key to successful co-parenting. It is a legally binding document and you should honor and uphold respectfully. There will be times that you and your ex might agree to co-parent differently than what is written down. That is ok, so long as you both agree, and it is working for you. When it no longer works, you need to go back to the basics and use your parenting plan on file.

3. Do not let new partners influence you.

One of the hardest parts of co-parenting after divorce, is when new partners enter the mix. During your divorce mediation this might not have been a topic either of you considered, but it should have been. Having a new partner can change your life, but it should not drastically change the lives of your children. You and your ex made an agreement to make your children your first priority after ending your marriage. You even agreed to how you would raise them. If a new partner tries to tell you that you should change your parenting plan, go back to court, ignore communication with your ex about your children, or in any other way inhibits healthy co-parenting, you should be concerned.

Furthermore, keep your new relationships to yourself for a while. Your kids do not need to meet every new person you decide to date, nor do they want to. You need to remind yourself about how much work you put into your divorce mediation and into developing your parenting plan with your ex. Establish firm boundaries from the beginning of any new relationship and if they can’t agree to those, then they are not the best fit for your life after divorce with children.

4. Don’t make drastic life changes.

You might be tempted to move out of your house, sell everything for new stuff, have parties now that your single, go out more often, change jobs, get a new pet, or something else like that…. but don’t. Divorce is devastating for children, and for adults. It is very important to keep things as structured and routine as you can for your children to feel safe. Studies suggest that you should not make any major life change for at least 6 months after a traumatic event. Divorce qualifies for a traumatic event, even if you were the one who initiated it. Take this advice seriously and allow the dust to settle before making any major change.

5. Don’t include your children in adult issues.

This is probably the most important rule for healthy co-parenting. Even if you children are old enough to have opinions and express their feelings clearly, you can’t involve them in adult issues. You should never speak negatively about your ex or relate to them about your divorce issues. Your divorce had absolutely nothing to do with them. Keep it that way.